Last night, Nolan basically told me the reason he has treated me like crap after the two times we have hooked up is because I'm a slut.
It bothered me until he said that I act like I am all hung up on him.
Guys amaze me. It truly amazes me that people (mostly men, though) still act like we live in a time when women should be docile creatures who know nothing about sex until marriage or some shit like that. And of course, it is a crime to stick up for yourself when they treat you like crap. Because the way to win a guy is to be innocent and mindless and non-confrontational, right?
Yeah, I'll be non-confrontational when I'm dead.
Today was very chill. The highlight of it was my Wal-Mart trip with Lindsay and Emily. Why is it so easy to spend so much money there?
I did get new cheap Ugg boots, though. Yay for warm, stylish feet.
Will is supposed to call tomorrow to hang out and watch movies later in the evening.
I find it very sad that I am unable to be excited about this. In the past, I would look forward not only to the individual dates, but to the imaginary future I would create in my head. Now I find it impossible to look forward to either, because I can't help but think that the next time we hang out will probably be the last time we hang out.
Whatever happens tomorrow, I am not sleeping with him. While a part of me in pissed at Nolan for what he said, I can't help but take some of it to heart. I want a relationship, not random sex. I want a boyfriend. So no more handing out the package until it is wrapped.
I'm gonna be a good girl.