absence makes the heart grow fonder...of his absence
1:37 a.m. & 2007-05-10

Two days without any contact with the boy.

I feel spectacular. I am treating this like one would treat overcoming an addiction; one day at a time. Two days is not the longest we've gone without speaking. We went those three weeks without speaking after that huge fight, but before that, we didn't speak a lot because he was never online. However, we would almost always speak when he was. But it has been two days, he has been online several times, and we have not spoken. I have not caved! I am so proud of myself. This is real determination on my part. If he wants to talk to me, then he can IM me.

The past few days have been a mixture of good and bad. On Monday, I interviewed Chenjerai Hove for my preview on the literary festival. Unfortunately, I feel that the two previews I did on him and Ron Carlson were not my best work. I've been so bogged down with class work and emotional dilemmas that the two previews were difficult to fit in. But now they are done and in print, so I guess there is nothing I can do about it.

I did poorly on a stats exam and got scolded by my professor for 'standing up' a tutor (interviewing a world-renowned author was more important at the time). Today I slept through my journalism class, skipping a quiz (luckily, though, he drops the lowest grade). And last night, my best friend and I got into a huge argument that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Fortunately, at 5 a.m., we reconciled and are still best friends. So that was a silver lining.

However, despite sleeping through journalism class, today was really good. I went in for editing and had fun at the Post, chilled out in my dorm, then went over to Shayne's and CJ's to watch Dreamgirls (which is an amazing movie).

I feel so much better. You know what is weird? I feel the best when we are either fighting or just not speaking, because that is so much better than me pursuing him with mixed messages. I'm so tired of playing these games and it finally seems like they are over. I am now hopeful towards the future, instead of wondering how shoddily he was going to treat me in our next conversation. He was so not worth any of that drama. I feel great. Thats how he should have been making me feel, but ironically, it takes his absence for that to happen.

P.S. Rufus Wainwright will be in Columbus on August 23. I am so going.

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