Thought stray frequently to the boy. Why, I do not know. Why I blame myself I also do not know. Logically there is no reason I should blame myself. And, in the only positive thing to come from this situation, I am showing remarkable restraint. Young, impulsive Kathy would be writing sad Facebook posts and sending mean messages to boy. But this Katy is merely boiling inwardly, waiting out this sadness, hoping that it will soon be over. I don't even know what I am sad about! Boy has girlfriend, boy is crazy, boy isn't even that nice. If anyone is justified in pretending the other does not exist, it is me. This brings me back to the age old question of why can they and why cant we? Why can boys treat us as badly as they'd like, yet if a girl speaks up and defends herself, she is being a bitch or acting crazy or being too clingy or whatthefuckever. Gah! I am sick of this bullshit!
Ha. I say this yet I know that tomorrow I will be right back on my computer, checking if he is online and writing sad Diaryland entries. Tres pathetico, no?
Aside from this, today was...equally as sucky. I slept through all of my classes and have yet to really accomplish anything homework-wise. I did go to dinner with the peeps, the first time in weeks, and then we watched RENT at Shayne and CJ's dorm. God that movie is sad. But beautiful. The overwhelming theme of love overpowers any particularly cheesy shots.
Gar. I need life to get better. I need to be happy again.
I have decided that my mantra in life comes from a Stars' song, Your Ex-Lover is Dead..."live through this and you won't look back." Sad, but true. And hopefully forthcoming.