It is the stigma of a small, suburbian town to see everyone you freaking know when you go out...to the local Wal-Mart...with little-to-no make-up on. Because you will of course run into an old high school friend and the mother of another high school friend.
And of course, it makes it worse that my face was blotchy from crying all day. Combine no sleep and a huge fight with your dad and you get a LOT of tears.
The fight was so stupid. Basically, he snapped at me for the mess in the house I don't even live in. Yeeeeah.
The fact that my dad even has the gaull to be angry with me says a lot. I have seriously seen him 5 times this summer, because my dad is either spending his days in a drunken haze OR calling my mom 25 times a day. Not much time for visits when you're going crazy.
The second I started crying my dad instantly felt sorry. He asked me to come to Wal-Mart with him, where I continued to cry, making him feel even more bad. At home, we had a talk and made plans to see a movie. I felt bad because the movie didn't happen because I slept ALL DAY. But I feel better that the hostility is over with for the most part. I was seriously ANGRY. And I don't think I have cried that much in a long-ass time. Luckily it is over.
I totally bailed on Bryan AGAIN today. That turned into a pretty intense text-session. He sent me one long text that summed a lot of things up:
"When I first met you I was like really excited about the fact that you liked me so much. And it was really cool. Then after we got to know each other it was even better cause we had so much in common and everything. I've always wanted to date you. But my gf kinda stands in the way. Its hard when you love 2 women. The more we talk i like you. You are really like my best friend cause I can talk to you about anything and everything. I still don't know in my mind where you stand in my life. I can't just say 'just friend' because you are more than that. I would like to be with you but I don't know how that would work we have ah ard enough time seeing each other now. I think its better that we never got together we probably wouldn't be friends anymore if we would have broken up."
Yeeeeah. I have no idea wtf is going on with us. He also said that I make his life more complicated, in a good way. If I had a nickle for every guy that said that to me, I could pay for college and my internship.
I move back to school tomorrow. I am a bit sad to see the summer go. I loved living with my mom at her nice apartment. While there are many pros to college life, there is one big con: being around your peers ALL THE FREAKING TIME. You can never really go home. There is no such thing as alone.
I may be one of the 0.001% of college students who are looking forward to graduating. The day I move into my own apartment will be the happiest day of my life.
Luckily, winter break is only ten weeks away. I'm ecstatic already.