I'm having a crappy day. The worst part about it being that I can not, for the life of me, get a healthy amount of sleep.
I seriously think I have insomnia. It is seriously beginning to affect my daily life.
Today was just...blah. For starters, I was insanely tired and I canceled an interview so that I could catch some shut eye...only to sit and stare at the television. Then I went to my 4 p.m. class and came back to my dorm and CALLED WILL.
I called him one at 6:30-ish and again at 8:30-ish. The second time I left a message.
It is almost 3 a.m. and NADA.
And what do my friends think? "He's avoiding you."
So, for awhile, I was upset about that. I was cranky (I took sleeping pills only to sleep until midnight...so I basically took a freaking nap!) and sad. More so because all of my friends were laying it on the line for me: he is looking at the LCD screen on his phone and consciously making the decision to NOT answer.
Just what every girl wants to hear, right?
I calmed down after awhile. An overload of social communication seemed to help; I was talking to about seven people online, my floormates and then Damon called. I didn't talk to him, but I told him I would call back tomorrow. All of that seemed to help, even though a lot of my friends were dealing with crises of their own (emotional drama, school projects, etc...).
So yeah. I guess I am over it right now. I can't lie--a part of me is still thinking he will call tomorrow. Because thats what he did when we were dating. But an overwhelming part of me doesn't want to even HOPE. I want to just be done with the pain; accept it and be done with it. I don't want to spend yet another day, staring at my phone, WILLING it to ring. But then I know that tomorrow I will experience another wave of sadness because I know, as much as I am aware of the fact that he probably won't call, I know that I want him to call. But he won't. He won't.
Situations such as these can be compared to trying to quit drugs. Each day is one step in the right direction, but each day SUCKS. I just need to get through tomorrow and not look at my phone.
Yeah. Easier said than done, right?
I have more to write about, but I might try and get some sleep.
Later.