I feel like I am dying.
I have been the sickest I have ever been in the past few days. And it was finals week. So basically, I spent all of my time either sleeping, studying, taking a test, or packing. I only managed to get good-bye lunches with Amber and Aaron, but I hardly saw anyone before I left. Sadness...
Fortunately, I am home now. And that is not sadness. Quite a bit has happened in the past few days, so I will quickly sum it up.
So the night after Jason and I had that alls well that ends well conversation, we got into a HUGE argument which resulted in me telling him exactly what I think about him. However, it intially began as me telling him what I feel about him, but of course, him being the asshole he is, it turned into an argument. Something snapped inside me. The smokescreens were off--I saw him for who he really is. When you really like--dare I say it, love?--someone, it is easy to 'glamorize' their problems. But all of the sudden, his problems started to piss me off. How anyone can be that mean just boggles my mind. So I just decided not to take it anymore. I told him exactly how I felt about him, blocked him, and am now hoping never to see/hear from him again.
Being sick has put me in a shitty mood, I am sad to say. And I haven't been able to eat anything. Aaron and I lunched at West 82 today where I grabbed a variety of foods, but I couldn't taste any of them, and what I could taste didn't taste too good. And unfortunately, it has made me really depressed again. On top of being physically sick, my skin has broken out the worst it has ever been. Usually I can apply my make-up expertly so that i it is hardly noticeable, but being sick has only highlighted my facial problems. Granted, no one has said anything, but just knowing it is there bothers me. Acne is probably one of my biggest problems. While, like I said, I can cover it up strategically, just knowing that it is there bothers the hell out of me and the constant putting on of make-up is a hassle and a half. My parents don't warrant it enough of a problem to spend money on by sending me to a dermatologist and getting real medicine. I think I might even need acutane. My best friend was on it in high school and it basically ensured that she never gets a spot again. Unfortunately you have to get your blood drawn every month because if you get pregnant on it, the baby could suffer serious problems. And depressive mood swings are a serious side effect, hence why my parents said no. For the time being, I am going to drink only water, try to cut greasy foods out of my diet, and tan occasionally. If that doesn't work, I will seriously talk to my parents about seeking altnerate routes.
Wow, that^^ was an embarrassing admission, but if I can't admit it here, where else can I say it? For all of you girls (or boys) who deal with acne as a serious problem, look up pictures of Cameron Diaz with it. That girl had it BAD and she is considered one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood. Also, Keira Knightley has said that she has really awful skin and needs about four hours of make-up. She is freaking gorgeous. That certainly makes me feel better.
Overall, the past six months have been good. Despite my frequent entries of complaint and sadness, I am a firm believer in the value of experience. Also, I seem to forget that I am only 18 years old...a.k.a. the time of your life when you make these kind of mistakes. I am so focused on being perfect that I sometimes forget that these are the nitty gritty years everyone speaks so highly of. Later I will do a little recap.
I am super excited for summer. Despite what drama MAY occur (I will write about that later), I am excited for what I have to look forward to. Possible journalism symposiums in Detroit and D.C., a hip-hop conference in July, Harry Potter extravaganza, front-row tickets to Rufus Wainwright and now the Killers. I can't wait!