Bizarre couple of days.
Had argument #154,398,270 with the boy. Um...I don't know how to go about describing this particular tiff. He admitted to noticing me on Friday night, admiring my "moves" and basically admitted that he is still attracted to me. When I brought up the subject of our coupling, he said that while the first time was "very satisfying" and that he did not regret it, he did not know if he was interested anymore. I'm still unsure as to how the actual argument began. I am thinking it really heated up when he flat out said that his girlfriend was not making him happy, but that another girl was not necessarily the answer to his happiness either. He did say that it was not me, but him, and that his medication and recent bouts of depression have been causing his lack of interest in the opposite sex. But, at one point, he did say that he just didn't want to do anything again with me. That started the core of the argument, which ended in him suggesting that I ignore him. I asked him if he would prefer that; I recieved no answer. Then, as he was getting off, I stated that he could have merely said 'no'. His response? "I don't want it to be that." Yeah, that is what I am dealing with. A boy that I desperately want out of my life, but not enough to actually push him out myself. I need him to take that extra step for me. Deep down, I want him to tell me 'NO!' in big bold letters. I want him out of my life so bad, but I'll be damned if I have the balls to do it myself. Ugh. Who knows where this is going. All I know is that I can feel my affection dwindling on a daily basis. The AIM checks get fewer and further between, and sometimes it feels like accepting our fate as mere strangers who shared one night together. I guess I shall remember it as lyrically as one can remember a one night stand...
On a less poetic note, some boy I know propositioned me for sex in the most freaking awkward, disgusting, and degrading way humanly possible. I was, and still am, appalled at this incident.
The only truly positive thing to happen to me in the past few days is the A I recieved on my story in english and the information that I may be hired as a staff writer for the newspaper. Out of the all of the general assignment staffers, I was the only one to have anything published. Being hired as a staffer after only one semester here would be an amazing accomplishment. Hopefully it all works out.