I just recently checked my voicemail to come across two new and one saved message. The first was from Danielle, about our plans last night, the other was from Walgreens, alerting me of a photo order that is ready. The saved one, however, was from Will.
Apparently I forgot to delete it with the others in a fit of sadness last week. I practically threw the phone down. Then of course, I rightfully deleted it.
One good thing came from this; I heard his voice and my heart didn't ache. For starters, I was never particularly attracted to his voice. I have dated some guys whose voice I yearned to hear over the phone, in person, whichever. But Will's is pretty non-descript. In fact, I'd say it's rather opposite of the kind of voice I am attracted to. I like deep and bold, like Gerard Butler from 300 or Clive Owen or something.
But yeah. Moral of the story is that my heart didn't break into even more tinier pieces upon hearing his voice, speaking my nickname...Kat. So I guess that is the first step! Now, if I saw him, that'd be a different story...his 6' stature, that creamy smooth skin, the high cheekbones (a particular interest of mine--give me Johnny Depp's or Adrien Brody's bone structure anyday!), that goofy laugh which I so loved to hear. I would remember all over again why this particular loss has hit me the hardest since Josh, almost one and a half years ago.
But I digress...
Last night, my best friend Danielle and I went to see Lars and the Real Girl at The Neon. I definintely reccomend this film to movie lovers everywhere. It was so well done. Every scene had an impact on me in one way or another. And Ryan Gosling was simply amazing. I really think he has a shot for ANOTHER Oscar nom with this one. The whole film itself is not necessarily Oscar worthy, but his performance has a chance of being shortlisted for the major awards. I mean, it is pretty difficult to portray an emotionally distressed man with attachment issues who thinks his RealDoll is his real life girlfriend with such innocence that the audience feels like they've kicked a puppy everytime he is upset. That is the kind of effect it had! Come on Oscar...
Spending time with my bff was fun. I took a cute picture at the theater, but I can't upload it because I left my USB cord at school. I haven't seen her in nearly three months. Last year, we talked on an almost daily basis, but her Ivy league education started to become more demanding than my state school one, hence why we speak only 3-4 times a week now. So seeing her and seeing the movie with her was really fun. Nothing was bad or awkward and I can tell we genuinely enjoyed each other's company for the short time we were in it. It made me happy. But then she went back to school today, along with my other friends, so I am pretty alone for the next two weeks. Here is to finding a part-time job...
Now, in this diary, I feel it is my duty, as both a diarist and a journalist, one of those "brave seekers of truth" to admit the truth about my life. Why would I lie in here? Of all places? So here I go with a truth that is both sad and desperate...
I signed up for a Match.com profile. At 19 years old.
EEEEK!
I do not look down on people who do internet dating. In fact, at a certain age, it really becomes the wisest decision in weeding out the losers. However, I am 19. I get guys all the time. So why am I resorting to internet dating?
Well, for most of you avidly read my diary, you might notice that I live in a college bubble and date a certain type of guy from a certain type of "group" at school. Basically...I am an emo-groupie.
Yup, thats right. Call me Ashley Simpson because I am addicted to dating scene, emo hotties, who are either politically active, in a band, or love seeing snobby indie films as much as I do.
I have never really posted pictures of the guys I am seeing, but here goes short descriptions, which I think will lend to my explanation of my dating situation.
First you have Jason. Ah yes, the disaster of my freshman year. He was actually the general manager of the school's radio station...a big man on campus, you could say, really well-known in the local music scene. I met him about three weeks into my transfer after I interviewed him for my very first article. That led to us sleeping together which led to him breaking my heart which led to us sleeping together, AGAIN.
Okay, so that consumed most of my first year at college. Granted, he is the only one I slept with. Throughout the year, I was involved or toying the idea of dating Robinson, James, Grady, Zach, and Kevin. Robinson was a folk-singer, as well as a staple at the local hipster coffee shop. It's funny, because Will actually knew him, so when we ran into him at Donkey, it was kind of a surprise. It was also funny because he sort of blew me off...I don't know if any of you particularly remember, but he is the boy I rejected after he tried to kiss me.
It wasn't until June 2007 that I slept with someone else. Bill. The random guy that I hooked up with at the party, which later turned into a guy I dated and slept with on a regular basis. Now, he is actually from my best friend's school, so he has no connection to me other than the fact that he was the brother of a girl I used to work with at the newspaper. And I had no idea all along, how crazy crazy is that???
Well, that ended about as fast as it began. And then came Damon.
I met Damon only one time before spending the entire summer crushing on his from afar, when he interviewed me for a position for the magazine which he runs. However, I should have taken the subtle signs given to me over the summer as a warning to stay away from this one. Upon returning to school, we embarked on a sexual affair that left me depressed and embarassed. We have not spoken in almost a month.
In between that time, there was Nolan. I also crushed on him from afar last year, and was lucky enough to run into him at the coffee shop which would launch us into our tumultuous sexual affair. We went on one really amazing date, only to sleep together the next night. And then I gave him a blow job in a movie theater. And then a month later, we hooked up again...only to end things for real this time after he proved that he will always be pyscho.
And then that leads us all to Will. My Bob Dylan look-a-like lover who broke my heart in the same ways that so many before him have.
And where does that all lead us? Well here is a description of my college-bubble theory.
Jason is best friends with Nolan. They all know Will, who knows Damon, who both know Robinson. Luckily, none of them know Bill, who is known by everyone instead at the newspaper I work for as he is the brother of a former key staff member.
So yeah. I've dated and slept with just about everyone worth dating and sleeping with at OU.
Hence my decision to take it online. I am hopeful. And even if things do not turn out, it would always be great material for a potential story.