where there's a will, there's a way
4:33 p.m. & 2008-01-19

Life has been hellla hectic, but things are going well.

So much has been happening...I am bit confused as to how I will tell it all w/o sounding like a bipolar schizo! I'll start where I left off...

Wednesday was busy work-wise. I had to go in for editing for Thursday's culture column about tattoos and how to avoid potentially regretting them. The piece was 30-inches long, which if anyone speaks journalism lingo, is helllla long. An average news story runs anywhere from 12-15 inches, so this was an exceptionally long piece of writing. I thought it came out really super well. All of my sources gave fantastic quotes. The only problem was the artwork, which came out surprisingly well considering the time restraints. So I was happy with it and I think a lot of people really liked it. Caitlin, who has an extensive journalism background, said it was very well-written, which I took as an uber-compliment considering she rarely tells anyone what they want to hear. But I am glad its over. Writing the Post Modern column stresses me out quite a bit...if you fall through, there is no back-up. And I really don't like being in the newsroom. I had gotten like, 4 hours of sleep so I practically rolled out of bed looking like crap and went there, dressing in a pretty shitty outfit. The elastic in my tights gave out and I had to make sure they didn't fall down all day. It was kind of funny, but really uncomfortable. And of course, who should I see but the two girls at the paper who totally make me feel like crap about myself. As usual, LOL.

Thursday was okay, too. I had my first test and I think it went really well. Then in the evening, Ash came over so we could go to dinner at the dining halls. It was fun.

Nighttime is when things got kind of weird. I don't know if I've really expanded upon things, but this guy I used to live with in the dorms last year is totally wanting to hook up with me. He keeps asking me to dinner, but I always find excuses not to go. Not that I don't want to, but I am usually just too tired or busy to go eat. But on Thursday, I asked if he wanted to come over after his class at 9 p.m. He expressed enthusiasm over the prospect and told me he'd be over after class. 9 p.m. rolls around...I call him and he tells me he'll be over after homework. Three hours later, and three phone calls, he tells me that he is going to call it a night and we should hang out the next day.

See, I had a problem with that. It is one thing when I am pursuing a guy and he blows me off, but this guy is pursuing me, yet still finding a way to be a typical guy. Rather than calling and telling me he probably couldn't come over, he kept me waiting until the very last minute. Skeeeezy! AND, as I learned on Friday night, he is still together with his girlfriend. So I was kind of pissed but decided to play it cool and blow him off in return. Maybe not mature, but he got the message.

Something else pretty huge happened on Thursday night that kind of threw me off. I don't have Facebook, but I was in Caitlin's room browsing through hers. We were looking for someone in particular and, when we found this person, I noticed that one of their friends from OU was Will.

At first, Caitlin didn't want me to click on his name. I pressured her into doing so. And what did I find? A relationship status that read "single."

I was surprised at first. And then a bit sad and angry. I know this is quite an irrational thought, but at first I was thinking that he had maybe pretended to get back together with her in order to dump me. I asked a few people what the possibility was of this and was pleased to discover that even Danielle, my most cynical friend, thought that I was looking too much into it. And, I have to remember that, right before we broke up, I looked at his Facebook to see that they had readded eachother. So I guess maybe they gave it another shot and it didn't work out?

Anyway, I was still sad. As stupid as it may sound, I was hoping that they would work out. I went through a lot of pain and misery to be dumped, only so that they could get break up again? I don't think so!

I slept on it. In the morning, I felt surprisingly better. Then I did something kind of crazy. I called him.

Yuuuup. I called him, after seeing two quotes from him in Friday's edition of the paper.

The conversation was MUCHO awkward. For starters, I asked if it was Will that I was speaking to. He said yes, and then said, "Hey Kathleen." I asked how he knew who it was. Apparently I am still in his phone, but it was still weird that I asked. Then we just kept talking, and I asked some general questions like, "How was break? How is your school year going?", etc, etc... Each response was typically Will. Innocent, descriptive, a tad humorous...but still awkward. Of course I felt awkward, asking such questions when we both knew there was a motive to my call.

So I did it. I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime.

His response? "The next two days won't work, but I'm pretty much free every day after 5 p.m."

So we planned a coffee-date (you know what I mean) for Tuesday after I get out of class.

Yeah.

I don't know how to feel about this development. I have talked to numerous people about it. Surprisingly, a lot of people feel like it is a good thing, even if it turns out badly, because I will finally be getting the closure I never got. Ash made a lot of good points, saying that he wouldn't do anything he didn't want to do. And even I have to admit, it can't be all that bad. He obviously knew it was me calling and answered the phone (to my surprise...I was actually shocked when he answered). And I feel like things are such a way between us that he could say no if he wanted to.

We'll see how it goes. I am not putting all of my eggs into one basket this time. I remember the week things went sour...how we frequently made plans and he cancelled them and I spent my nights in bed crying. I am not going to let that happen this time. If he calls and cancels, or I call and he says no, or doesn't answer, I am not going to let it bother me. Because I mean, can it really get worse than the first time? That was pretty tragic. I don't think things can get much worse.

So that is my update up to Thursday night. I am going to take a break and write about Friday night/today in a few hours. Seeee you soon!

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