So much for three consecutive days w/o speaking.
Boy and I had late night conversation, which was really bizarre. I am unsure as to what to think; some of it was hopeful while other parts were eh.
When we first started talking, he mentioned not being on AIM since Friday. Kind of a, oh yeah, we haven't spoken because... gesture, maybe? Who knows.
A lot of blah conversation, including the retrieval of my jacket. It got interesting when I asked him if he wanted last Monday to be a one night thing, to which he replied, 'No, why do you keep asking that?' And then later, when we were talking about trying something sexual, he said, "Oh, I know...we'll have to wait and see." Erm. Wait and see IF or wait and see WHEN? Is that a blow-off statement, or something hopeful? AND..when I randomly said something about that night, his response was for me to stop being so insecure. Is that like a backhanded compliment?
And now for the weirdest part. Near the end of the convo, he randomly stopped talking for about an hour. I didn't barage him with "Are you theres?" but merely asked once, 'Did you die?' Ten minutes later he replies 'Yes', then signs off.
Boy is so bizarre. The conversation was bizarre. Upon reflection, I wasn't sure whether to be relieved with some aspects of the convo or totally freaked out. In the end, I think it may have enlightened me a bit and really made me wonder:
Why him?
I've been making this 'revelation' about everyday for four months but the relevance of the question is really beginning to make sense to me. Why am I putting up with this? I keep taking these little tidbits of affection hes gives me as hope for something bigger and better, but even I need to be realistic...I am a hook-up.
I really think I need to start from the beginning on this one. I started this blog two weeks after we initially hooked up, with no background information. So here it goes.
About three weeks after coming to this college, I started working on an article for the newspaper. He was my first interview. I found him via Facebook on a group regarding the topic I was covering. We arranged for an interview, after which I IM'ed him and we began talking frequently. At first, he outwardly chased me, despite having a girlfriend of two years (oh yeah, I know...crazy plot twist). He frequently asked me to hang out with him and his friends, to which I declined many invitations (because at the time, I didn't like him). One Thursday, we have a rather steamy internet conversation and decide to take it to the bedroom. And thats where the one night stand comes in.
The two months following have been pretty well documented, so I won't bother rehashing what happened.
Our relationship is odd. We have only seen one another a handful of times. He cheated on his girlfriend with me, and as far as I know, I am the first and only girl he has hooked up with since their break-up. We have never hung out socially. In fact, we went three weeks without speaking after a particularly intense argument.
Two Fridays ago, I randomly saw him on the street. I know he saw me. Neither of us have aknowledged seeing one another.
Last Monday, I randomly IM'ed him to make ammends. Last Monday he also resumed him lustful ways toward me, and we ended up sleeping with one another AGAIN.
Which all leads back to the question, WHY? Why him? Why me? Why us? Why can't he just be out of my life? I know some reading this will blame me for that, but honestly, it has been out of my hands for awhile now. The problem is I can't fucking escape him. He is everywhere; his friends, his life, his screenname. Hence why summer is long awaited.
Many girls would tell me I'm being stupid and that he is obviously telling me what I want to hear for sexual purposes. I would believe that...if the sex were good. Well I mean, it is good for him. TOO good in fact. He is a premature ejaculator. Like...premature. As in, hes in, hes out, bada bing, bada boom. So basically the sex sucks for me. Not only in the way that I don't get off, but because having to tend to such delicate needs makes me nervous and causes me to lose my mood. Its hard to let go when I'm afraid that he is going to 'let go' at any minute, you know?
This is probably my longest entry to date about the boy. I want them to stop altogether. I want normalcy. No one even knows that he and I know each other. I want a boy that people at least aknowledges that we hook up. Is that too much to ask?
Today was really boring, but in a good way. Tomorrow I will be hella busy with newspaper stuff and studying for crappy midterms. So tonight I am just going to chill and try not to think about the boy.